Success Stories

I See Myself as The Rule

Neither my mother nor my father completed high school. My father did manage to complete his high school requirements through correspondence courses. Looking back, I can see that my mother had some of the same problems that I did, she suffered from poor self-esteem and she could not read or write very well.

My first real recollection of school was when I started in preschool, a little 8-week program where we spent a half-day coloring, playing and having snacks. I was so excited, but scared, too. The first day of preschool was like going to a big party and the teacher and all the students were all so preoccupied with the activities of the day that no one ever noticed how lost and confused I was. From the very first day, I was confused. I did not think I actually learned anything but I remember trying to learn the sounds and names of the letters of the alphabet.

My first grade teacher would read books to us, and that fascinated me. There was such a fascination and excitement of how the teacher interpreted the symbols and words on those pages. This is the first time I remember having been read to. I do not really remember learning many of the ABCs or words.

In second grade I was in the slowest and lowest reading group in the class. I would always hope that someone in the class would be slower and less talented but I was the worst. When it came my time to read I would get so nervous, I could not remember the words. I would try to read the story by looking at the pictures but it would all come out wrong.

As a result, I would sound dull and no one would want to sit by the dumb kid. No one even tried to be my friend because I would probably get them in trouble, too. The truth is no one wanted to be around the dumbest kid in class. Not Even Me!

It was during my third grade year that one of my teachers suggested that I might be dyslexic. She made the suggestion to my parents that I should have special reading help or perhaps receive testing. My parents were not very receptive to the idea that their child was less than perfect. I don't remember exactly what they said, but to me it sounded something like, "There's no way my son is retarded." The lack of any major success in third grade led to the inevitable. When the idea of retention was brought up to my parents, they were not receptive to the idea but they found themselves without a better option.

The second time through 3rd grade was not any easier. It seemed like it was all new material, however I knew I had seen the same sheets before. This time, too, I had already been labeled. You know how teachers sometimes label kids. I think I was labeled as "lazy." I have to admit, though, there were times that I decided not to try. I remember thinking, "Why try?" I was going to fail anyway. At least if I did not try, I just get into trouble for not working, not for being stupid. So, instead of engaging in what I should be doing, I spent a lot of time daydreaming and wishing for the day when I did not have to be in school. It was about that time in my life that I made myself a promise, if I can find a way out of school I'm going to take it. So it was not a surprise that 3 weeks after my 18th birthday in 1977 that I dropped out of high school.

It wasn't until 1992 while having a psychological evaluation for depression that I was formally diagnosed as having several marked learning disabilities. You would have thought this would have depressed me but it did not; in fact it gave me hope. Just knowing that my problem had a name and that I was not stupid encouraged me.

And now, I can't believe I could be graduating from Texas A&M. I can see myself standing in the graduation procession with all the other students just like I had before and I wonder if this time will feel different. I remember the first time I graduated. I was scared that I was going to mess up or stumble on the steps going up to the podium or that I would look different because I was older. I remember that first time. It was of the greatest importance to me because in my mind, it made up for not receiving my high school diploma.

That sounds so strange knowing how bad I hated school when I was younger. I hated school so much that I began to have nightmares every night and get physically sick in the mornings before school. It's kind of funny, but when I am feeling down and am frustrated with myself, I can still hear my 3rd grade teacher, see the look on her face, smell the liver on her breath and feel her face in front of mine screaming, "Richard, you need to quit daydreaming and get to work." Although I knew I needed to get busy, I had gotten so good at withdrawing into my daydreaming world that I was having a hard time staying in the present. I began to ask myself why the other children seemed to be so much more successful than myself. Why was it that they heard and understood what was being said?

I vowed that no one would ever get me in another school when I quit high school in 1977 but it happened. In 1991 I enrolled in Angelo State University and what an uphill battle that was. It is kind of odd to think back on how I almost did not give college a try. I had so much trouble in elementary and high schools that I got sick at my stomach every time I even went near a school. I spent a lot of long sleepless nights trying to figure out another way that I could handle this problem of going back to school but the only way was straight on. So I set a one year goal: I would be able to attend and pass one semester of college. I started in January by breaking down my goal into five steps: improve my reading skills, take my ACT, get over my fear of school, get accepted to the college, and attend and pass every class. I call this my divide and conquer strategy.

The first obstacle I had was to improve my reading which started with a mentor at the local Adult Literacy Council. I spent 6 months working one on one with a retired teacher. We spent 90 minutes twice a week working on reading skills. The second obstacle was taking the ACT. I started by buying a study guide and have a school student who lived down the road help me prepare. Next I had to get over my fear of school. I started by driving my truck around the campus while listening to my favorite cassette tape. Once I got comfortable with that I parked in the parking lot for 30 minutes at a time. Later I incorporated a Sony walkman into the plan. I used the walkman to get myself closer and closer to the building. Then came the big day, with walkman in tow I went through the education building. With each passing day the fear started to pass so in the summer with the help of my brother I enrolled in an adult continuing education class that lasted for 3 weeks. Thank God I survived.

The big day had come, I mailed my application off to the university and signed up to take the ACT test. I took the ACT test on a bright sunny Saturday morning and then waited for the results to be posted that evening. I remember the long drive that my wife and I made to the campus that evening, knowing that I need a minium score of 21 to be accepted. It seemed to be too much to ask but I had passed with scores in math and science just high enough to pull up my verbal scores I scored a 21. It seemed that nothing could stop me that is until I actually started classes. I made it about 3 weeks before I withdrew for the university. Mad, sad, and even a little scared, I had managed to accomplish 4 of the 5 steps that I had planned to make and so I waited a year (while keeping up my studies) and reentered the university with a new passion to succeed. This time was the one, and four and a half years later I walked the stage for the first time. I know that after I walk the stage this time I will know that just because I learned differently, it does not mean that I am stupid or that I am less talented. I will have learned that being "learning different" means that academically I do things a little differently. It means, I must discover in different ways the knowledge that others have learned through memorization. But most importantly when I walk across the stage this time they will introduce me as Richard Evans, Ph.D. Over that past 10 years I have hurdled a number of the obstacles related to my learning disability and I am sure life will send me more. But when they come I will plan to conquer each, one at a time - but divide and conquer I will.

My personal goal is to share with others that there is hope. I try to use my understanding of the way persons with learning disabilities think to put unique insight into the way that some students view and function in today's classroom. Over the years a number of well intentioned people have made that statement "Richard, you're just an exception to the rule" but I disagree, I don't see myself as an exception to the rule; I see myself as the rule - I believe all students can learn. But it would have been nice if someone had told me that it was okay to be a little different and had spent time strengthening my ability instead of punishing me for my disability or lack of ability.